Pecan Praline enters an antique shop tucked away on a gloomy side street clutching a package to her chest. The young woman marches up to the counter and waits for the shopkeeper to notice her.
Pecan: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Pecan: 'Ello, Miss?
Shopkeeper: What do you mean "miss"?
Pecan: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Shopkeeper: We're closin' for lunch.
Pecan: Never mind that, good sir. I wish to complain about this scrying mirror what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: (nods) Ah yes, a fine item, Norwegian craftsmanship… what’s wrong with it?
Pecan: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, sir. It’s defective. I asked it show me the face of my dearest love and I get THIS!
(Pecan slaps the mirror down on the counter and she, along with shopkeeper,
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Booming thunder and flashing lightning accompany epic keyboard music, presumably written by a Bard that looks a lot like John Tesh.
Massive dwarven runes drop from the sky, spelling out the title of everyone's favorite Saturday afternoon entertainment: BATTLE ROYALE!
The thunderclouds clear, and we pan overtop of our stage, four buildings with a single door, two on either side of a deep river, featuring two parallel bridges. Four towers bracket the arena in its corners, with their battlements accessible by stairs. As the theme song builds to a crescendo, MAGRIM, the overseer of the Dwarven afterlife, appears in a flash of lightning, looming over the stadium as a giant would over a bowl of chili.
MAGRIM: It's another beautiful day at Droskar arena, home of Droskar, god of sufficient toil and eventual success. Welcome to the World of the Gods network, where we break all the rules for your entertainment. Party allegiances? GONE! Character Alig
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SETTING: In a small, warmly lit village, Davian Dawntracker paces slowly through a circle of smiling villagers, introducing his story. Minstrels play festively in the background, and lots of people are eating pork.
DAVIAN: Gather 'round, young and old, rich and poor, drunk and stupid or hot and blonde! Prepare yourselves for the legend of how I, Davian Dawntracker, killed an Ogre!
CROWD: Gasps, then CHEERS!
DAVIAN: It all starts in the boathouse... of a GHOST!
CROWD: Gasps!
DAVIAN: Well, it was really more of a mercantile ghost. The guy was trying to make an honest buck in a tough business. You got a lake with a zombie dragon in it, and you loan some idiot your boat... it's not sustainable at all. The ghost of a once-profitable business, if you ask me.
AS we camp in this back yard of this undead future bankruptcy, we were set upon by WILD BOARS!
They group heads to the lake through very dense forest and comes across dirt road. They hear a crack followed by a thump and then Yalandra falls into a 50ft hole and lands on a rotting table. There are six large barrels around the room and a large stone engraving of an impressive figure on the wall possibly a dwarf. Lead tiger jumps down into the hole with an impressive landing. The rest of the group climbs down via ropes to join them. Lead Tiger confirms that the stone carving is dwarven. Dar-Wynn attempts to put a tap in one of the kegs and it falls through. They discover that the kegs used to hold what smells like a combination of mead and beer. Lead tiger opens the door and moves down a hall to a large open room that appears to be a kitchen. They hear sobbing coming from just beyond the kitchen. As they approach the sound the sobbing stops and a voice asks them to go away. They proceed and see a small ogre with silver skin. Lead tiger asks if the ogre needs help. Gumbach t
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In light of recent events that include my own travel through an underwater tunnel, I’ve resumed our estranged pen pal relationship. I’m on the other side of the mountains.
I’m traveling with the strangest of companions- Dar-Wynn, a singing, flying, humanoid feline brewmaster (if you bought that the rest is probably going to sound reasonable), Konrad, a cleric that’s saved my life at least twice, Yalandra, a gnomish sorceress, and “Lead Tiger,” a professional recommender of violence.
We’ve signed onto the employ of the town of Covenant, which appears to be ruled entirely by a dragon. This isn’t usually up for debate, but this notorious monster has had its brains scrambled with that of an average pussy cat. Their militia now counts myself among their most competent, which, by itself, is a disaster, but coupled with the dragon-sized kitten roaming their property, clearly categorizes th
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The group settled in on the beach and Davin and Flan skinned 6 of the boars that they killed. They ate some of the boar for dinner and planned to smoke the rest to replenish their rations.
The next day they wake to find a cargo barge sitting off shore. There are 6 people watching them. They don't appear to have weapons so Davin greets them, but they don't respond. The group decides to head down the beach but they leave the fire burning.
Shortly down the beach, a tall elven male approached the group. He greets them and states that he is from the temple of Nathis, god of magic. He was headed to the Golden Valley on a service journey and was diverted by an ethereal light (the light coming from the keg). He asks the group about the keg that they are carrying and ask if they know what it is. When they can not affirm that they do, he explains that it is the dead, ground bodies of faeries, sprites and other magical creatures. It is elemental magic and pure chaos. He
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